Conversations over dinner (please keep in mind that this is all being uttered with an incredibly thick North Carolinian accent) Dad: Am I bugging the crap out of you yet? Me: *blank stare* Dad: Are you going to miss me when I leave? Me: *blank stare* Dad: What’s that thing the kids say? A-la….A-la-vista, Al. Me: You mean hasta la vista? Dad: Oh, right. Hasta la vista. I guess A-la...
I’m not sure how I feel about you right now. You’re making me a nervous wreck. Stop it. Love, alex
At the bookstore today:
“Excuse me, do you have Augusten Burrough’s ‘You Better Not Cry’?” “Oh, no. We don’t. I usually only carry it around the holidays. He was actually very nice when he stopped by here and read for us. Quite the lovely fellow.” What I actually said: “Oh, ya. I met him in Boston during a reading. He is quite nice.” What I wanted to say:...
Teens were asked to respond to questions about circumstances under which a man...– Mary Pipher, Ph. D. Reviving Ophelia (via screamedatthemakebelieve) (via ihatethismess)(via brave-slut)(via mrsvaldez)(via fight-war-not-wars)(via pigisapig)(via clitorisaurusrex) (via caitlicious)
"What the...is this a lamp made out of a diving...
So, I went antiquing today in Williamsburg, Virginia. Twas quite the enjoyable experience. You know, except for the little girls having a tea party in the corner, could have done without the incredibly high pitched “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ABIGAIL!”, but whatever. My purchases included: -a newspaper print from London boasting a cartoon illustration of people riding an elephant at the zoo,...
"Do you like my mira'?"
“Do I like your what?” “My mira’, do you like my mira’?” “……….ooooooooh, your mirror.” My dad is only a little southern. Just a bit.
The truth is that there are a lot of people like you, us, with strange hobbies...– Pushing Daisies (via patsushi)
copsandrobberss: -relevant: i just learned the texas state fair will have fried beer and fried margaritas this year Wait fried food and alcohol? Now I must go. Good thing the fair runs till like the first week in October. Happy late 21st to me. I still have yet to fully comprehend how they fry half the things they do.
Spectrophilia: sexual attraction to ghosts or...
theshadowgirl: littl3misstrange: (via randomsexfacts)
My 400th post was about motorboating one’s own tits. CLEARLY this is a quality blog.
theshadowgirl: deadpoetry: still waiting for the day john mayer gets brutally murdered THANK YOU.
Mom: “Here’s money to buy yourselves dinner after the game. Don’t keep her out too late, Al.” Me: “Actually I was going to take her to a whore house so we can do coke off of hookers’ asses.” Sam: “OH! THAT REMINDS ME! Do you remember the Burger King crack house next to our school?”